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Life is tooooo short

I may have seen better days, but I have also seen worse. I might not have all I want, but I do have all my needs. I've woke up with a few aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but it is good. And more good things are coming down the road as long as I keep moving forward... and so I have to keep telling myself:

If it hurts, let go. Life is way too short to waste my time.  I'm only young for so long, and every moment I spend dwelling on the things that only cause me to hurt, is precious time wasted where I could have been out adventuring around, making more memories to look back on. I don't want to remember the nights I sat around crying. I wanna look back at the adventures I had while I was young. The good nights, days, whatever. I finally found someone where it feels like the first time every time, and I'm not letting that go either..I won't give up without a fight. To hell with anybody who makes me feel like I'm ordinary...and thank god for my three true friends...I don't know where I would be at this point without them.
I've gotten so used to not being able to see you everyday, so used to it that I can cope and go through days just fine without you here. I can be alone or with friends and I would be happy. But when I suddenly see couples together laughing, looking into each others eyes and smiling, cuddling or even simply holding hands; that's when I suddently don't feel strong and my heart starts to ache and I feel like breaking down. I try and stay strong everyday. I mean that's what I've been doing for all this while but I'm always going to see a couple and wish you were here with me, right next to me. It sucks, it sucks so much that I can't hug, see, just simply be with the person that I love so much but this is a decision that we both made and I don't regret it. I don't blame the distance. Distance was how we found each other and distance will never seperate us emotionally. DKS + JNF

Sometimes

when things get rough and I start to wonder why we put ourselves through the hardship of a long distance relationship, I just stop and think about the way my heart flutters when he touches me. Just something as simple as holding my hand or resting his hand on my leg and there’s a thousand butterflies in my stomach. I stop and think about the conversations we have and how we can talk about anything or nothing and still go on for hours. I think about the smile I always find creeping across my face whenever I catch myself thinking of him. I think about the fact that just hearing his voice on the other end of the phone can turn a bad day into a good day. I think about the fact that when I think about the future, I always picture him in it.
Sometimes it’s hard being so far away from someone you love, but when you do get to be with them you appreciate them so much more. Long distance love isn’t easy, but things worth having rarely come easy.


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Ive never felt this way before... I spent the most amazing week with someone... And for some reason i cant stop thinking about it... I wanna call this person every day just to listen to his voice....

Ive never met someone that is so conpletely honest...its wierd to have known someone for a year and not even think about him in that way.... I remembered certain moments we shared together.. And i was so surprised that those moments you remembered too...

Im falling right now really hard......

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Its funny when I remember back to when I was younger...how I had all these plans....I look at where Im at today...and my kid self would be appalled.   Ive never regretted anything Ive done or the choices Ive made...but..damn...sometimes I think .."I shouldnt have done that".....  

I feel myself saying those exact words more frequently these days.....Hopefully Ill learn my lesson...but something deep down tells me I won't.

Jan. 10th, 2012

I wish that here you could've stayed, but God and his angels finally ended your pain and suffering. I have many memories of you, and those are made of gold, but I have had so many dreams and those are ones I've told. I love and miss you so very much, and in my dreams you had my heart.  I know you are far from me though I feel you near,
and I just wanted to say “Hi Grandpa” and I wish you were here.


My adventures

Theres something about being pushed out of your element that suddenly makes you feel stronger. You tend to try new things that you feel no one back home would believe you... Ive been trying to yake tons of pictures of everything i see and do.. But a part of me realizes that i dont need pictures to remember these beautiful places.. I wish sometimes i could grab my friends and have them tag along with me for just a week to live the life i live here. They would enjoy it

It makes me sad when my boss always asks me to work over.. I asked the other day why he would assume that.. He said its because i know u have nothing going on... Just because i have no family back home depending on me... O but i do.. I said. I have tons of people depending on me just to be there for them... Maybe not in the same way as my other coworkers.. But it still counts..either way i love my job.. I love everything about it..being a away from the ones i love makes u appreciate them even more when you return.. Its the best present in the entire world is to see them after being seperated for a million years
When we lose something that means so much to us, we are left with a feeling of sadness. Whether it is a friend or even a treasured object, the loss can be hard to bear. It is as if a part of you has gone missing. Throughout my life Ive amassed collections of friends and possessions. Having close relationships help us feel as if we are not alone in the world. When we lose someone or something that is precious to us, we may realize that there is a certain aloneness that can never be filled. Ultimately the condition of life is one of being alone.


Changes..

 This time out here...has really changed me....

Being seperated from things you want and things you need...It was hard the first week...for all of us....I wanted my wendy's so bad I could taste it....lol....It really does put in perspective of the things in life that are important...How much time was wasted worrying....spending....buying things that meant nothing to me....wanting things that meant nothing to me...needing things that meant nothing to me..

Its my second week here..and Im sure there are new songs and new artists on the radio..Im sure some new movie has been previewed amillion times...and some cool youtube video has been circulating or some crazy insane political event took place.....Im sure some celebrity is dating someone else by now...I would have no idea.....I have no idea of anything anymore that is going on back in the states accept for the fact that the sunset here at 5:30 is the most beautiful thing Ive ever seen.  I know that all the people on this ship that cant speak any word of english..are about the most nicest people I will ever meet in my entire life.  I know that at 4pm everyday Jellyfish line up around the ship to create the craziest biggest jellyfish spectacular Ive ever seen.  

Its wierd how quickly things you took time out of your day to care about dont matter anymore....I wake up and I work..and I feel good about everything..I feel less stress not knowing any of this bullshit news...any gossip...i like the fact that I cant leave this ship at all....it makes you grounded..it makes you creative.....dont get me wrong when we get to singapore..Im leaving...but..for now...



its just me against the world

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